Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
