i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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