you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
