i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
