i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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