Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
