so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
