I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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