I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
