life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
