Umm I'm too high to move.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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