Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize