yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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