Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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