don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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