i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
