3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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