i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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