Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh god the rape fog is back!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
