I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize