Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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