dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
