Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
