where am i from again
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
