Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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