i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
