having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize