I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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