Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
