I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
