I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
