apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
