Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
