I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I need to sanitize my soul.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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