I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
