Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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