the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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