I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
FUCK WHALES
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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