I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
