Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
