Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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