Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
