Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
