I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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