Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
