I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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