If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
