; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
