dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
