My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
