I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
