So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
