mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
