can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
