what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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