Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
