OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
