It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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