she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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