So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
