I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
