Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
