Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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