she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
