Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
