genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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