fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
