And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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