Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Mom said you looked used
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
