I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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