Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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