It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
