yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
