Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My vagina is officially offended.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize