just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
