Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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