I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
