Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
