There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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