I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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