its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
