guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
