then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
