Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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