and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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